My First 100 Days: Lots of Crying

My First 100 Days

Enough about Trump. Here's what I did in my first 100 days.  Whaaa!

• Exited my mother's womb with a ton of fanfare. Actually, it was a bloodbath. Pretty gross. Extremely exhausting for Mom and me. Couldn't wait to get cleaned up and grab a nap. Whew.

• Cried. There's lots of crying in the first 100.

• Slept, mostly in spurts of a few hours here, a few hours there. Similar to how I do now.

• Sucked milk. Comes naturally.

• Peed freely - as if I were in a public swimming pool.

• Pooped - if you want to call it that.

• Opened my eyes. Gosh, I'm cute.

• Fell in love with all of this sweet attention. Keep it up, guys!

• Spat up milk. Comes naturally.

• Taught myself to coo. What an effective way to communicate. Plus, I don't need to know any pesky vocabulary words.

• Pushed up on my arms. Did a high-five.

• Gazed up at the goofy toy mobile above my crib. It plays sounds that barely pass as music. Parents enjoy it more than I do.

• Lifted my head. Took several tries. Ugh, like lifting weights at the gym.

• Made eye contact. Oh, good! We have a chocolate labradoodle.

• Projectile vomiting. This is a real attention getter! Breaks the boredom.

• Smiled. This is a winner. Comes naturally? Will have to remember to do this more often.

Don't be a big baby! Buy "The Misery Manifesto" and play with your pain :-)