Snarky Tips from My Teen

Did I say... she's five?As daughters become older, they become increasingly ~~brutal~~ entertaining and wise - especially with their advice.

Tips From My Teen

Lose the Carol Brady haircut.
Nothing dates you more than saying “groovy.”
Don’t chat with the grocery store cashier like she’s a long lost BFF.
Don’t pay for HBO. Watch TV on your computer for free.
Chill.
Ordering hummus in a restaurant is wrong on many levels.
No matter how whimsical you feel, leave the glitter eye shadow to Disney Pop Stars.
Don’t respond to a text message right away – it looks desperate.
"The Beatles” is a lousy name for a band. Get over it.
Too much make-up on 5 year olds and 50 year olds is equally as scary.
Chill.
If you slept with JFK or Warren Beatty, I DON’T want to hear about it. I don’t even know who Warren Beatty is.
Baggy pants make you look like OMG you’re wearing a diaper.
Don’t panic if you can’t understand WTF your laptop is doing.
Study a texting dictionary (online) of acronyms so you understand the “newfangled” lingo.
Coddling the cat/dog like he’s a human child strikes many as needy.
Stop with the Viva Viagra jokes. It’s LOL pathetic.
Anyone seriously considering an eyebrow transplant is much older than they think they are.
Sudoku is no substitute for a real hobby like windsurfing or limbo skating.
Chill.