Everything I Know About Sex... I Learned From My Cat

 I was going to pontificate here upon how Justin Bieber is influenced by Nietzsche's views of women, but who cares?

EVERYTHING I Know About SEX & ROMANCE I Learned From My CAT...

 

• Stake out your territory and stand firm.

• A sense of mystery adds to your allure.

• If it feels good, purr and vibrate.

• Holding a loved one close and feeling his/her beating heart is romantic as long as your arm/leg/brain hasn't gone numb.

• Seafood is not a bad aphrodisiac.

• Never underestimate the mood benefits of a good massage.

• Playing hard to get increases your attractiveness to a certain type of overachiever.

• Where's the fire? Take your sweet time.

• We all gravitate to a warm body.

• Nuzzling is like comfort food.

• Biting is for the dogs.

• While we're at it, leave the drooling to the dogs.

• Hairballs are not exactly balls, as we know and love them.

• Clean paws are happy paws. Comb your hair! Forget crafting, make grooming your hobby.

• Regular manicures and pedicures spare your loved ones from bloody scratches and ugly scars.

• If you're feeling particularly pissy, go lie in the sun by yourself and you'll feel better.

• Dogs on the bed can be an amusing distraction.

• Numerous naps throughout the day conserve your energy.

• It's all about play.