Scruffles

The Princess & The Peeve

Dwayne Dear,

Must I remind you? In our Sole Custody Agreement dictated by the SUPREME COURT OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA, I (the plaintiff and “the mother”) KARLA FLICKER KLIMPFER, beat you (the defendant and “the father”) like a monkey’s brass drum.

As the Primary Residential Custodial Parent and the parent entitled to receive feline support on behalf of “SCRUFFLES,” I would like to bring to your attention the following pressing issues.

The court reinstated your visitation rights on alternate weekends of months beginning with an “M” and ending with a “Y.” Don’t be late.

It is important to remember that Scruffles’ nutritionist insists on “Fancy Pants Pussy” Steamed Wild Alaskan Salmon in a champagne consomme. Scruffles and her litter coach will know if you try and pass off those cheapo generic kibbles again.

Let me also remind you that I won final decision-making authority regarding all major matters affecting Scruffles’ welfare, including but not limited to matters of health, education and religion. Therefore, if Scruffles and I choose to celebrate National Farm Animals Day with a sojourn to a petting zoo, that is my - our - right.

Scruffles and I forgive you for the mental anguish and neglect you inflicted upon us during our intense legal conflict. Damn lawyers.

Ms. Flicker to you!