7 Survivor TIPS: I Feel Your Air Travel Pain

I feel your air travel pain!

Flying is no longer the inspiring, sexy adventure it used to be.If one is flying coach nowadays (WHAT? You don't own a Gulf Stream GV? Sorry to hear that...)one needs a survival plan.

Here are 7 Survivor TIPS

Avoid all children, the elderly, and those more neurotic and/or anxious than you.

Be sure to book a window seat in the LMFAP* section of the plane.

When you slide over to that window seat, suck everything you got in so you do not perform a sex act on the poor, unassuming schlep in Seat B.

(Who says the middle seat doesn't have any perks?)

Bring earplugs in case you are seated near a baby with an ear infection and seemingly deaf parents.

Take Benadryl and an alcoholic beverage of your choice. As the buzz kicks in, place airsickness bag or pillow case over your head. Stay there in denial 'til plane lands or crashes, whichever comes first.

If you must sit in an aisle seat, beware of obese flight attendants and passengers. (By obese, we mean "fatter than you.") They will knock you (your Diet Coke, your book, your cup of meds) silly every time they clomp up and down the aisle.

Appreciate the irony when you flip the window shade up, peer out the porthole, and see the Rolls Royce logo etched on the engine. At least the airline spent big bucks on something.

Bonus TIP: Bring those beloved copies of Sky Mall that you saved from previous flights. You'll need a laugh.

Bon Voyage!

*LMFAP - Leave Me The F*** Alone Please