Spring Bugs Me
Spring Sprung
Spring bugs me.
You’ve heard about the rite of spring. What about the wrong of spring?
It’s bug and allergy season.
Spring is a time of growth and renewal, but for whom?
For the grass and tree pollen, the bugs, the wildlife.
Achoo! Achoo! Achoo!
Bugs
I hate bugs.
Not the stylish ladybug (polka dots rock) nor the iridescent dragonfly, nor the magical lightning bug.
And certainly not the exquisite butterfly.
The thug bugs - you know who they are - the ones who bite and sting with no provocation whatsoever - the mosquitoes, ticks, fire ants, wasps.
Whoopee! Spring is also time to ready yourself for a cicada attack.
Bug off!
Spring Fling
‘Tis the season to be scary — the wildlife runs amuck - snakes, coyotes, alligators, bears.
Beware! They are hungry, hangry and horny as hell.
It’s mating season for most of them - there’s more strutting around outdoors than at a Rolling Stones concert.
Suggestion. Avoid the great outdoors until it’s time for the wild beasts to hibernate again.
Seasonal Allergies
Do you suffer from severe, chronic upper respiratory misery that makes Covid feel like a cupcake walk?
Is it a heady case of spring fever - or a nasty flu bug?
Or merely seasonal allergies?
Grass and tree pollen - not love - is in the air.
A breath of spring. Bloom and blossom. Achoo!
Sneeze. Wheeze. Hack.
Do you feel as fresh as a field of daisies?
No, you live with a daily sinus headache, nasal congestion, stuffiness — and something tells me that those itchy red eyes — are not shedding tears of joy.
You are not as happy as the birds in spring.
As a matter of fact, spring is for the birds.
You are having enervating sneezing fits. Achoo! Achoo!
Your itch is a bitch.
All is dandy with your body except for your eyes, nose, throat, lungs, skin and gastrointestinal tract .
You are a zombie.
You are zonked out on industrial strength decongestants and antihistamines.
You are armed with Flonase, mosquito netting, Benadryl and bear spray.
Misery Loves Company
Winter, spring, summer or fall - but especially spring -
All you have to do is call -
Achoo, Achoo, Achoo!
You’ve got a friend.
